For her special day Janet received an expensive tube of Retin-A from her two teenage daughters. When she shared about her gift at a luncheon with friends, they were all impressed that her girls were resourceful enough to finagle a prescription medication to help diminish wrinkles. Realizing this was such a unique gift, the ladies were curious as to what they gave her for last Mother’s Day. Without a moment’s hesitation Janet replied, “The wrinkles!”
When an army officer asked President Lincoln if he could write an article defending the administration against attacks that were being made by the Committee on the Conduct of the War Lincoln replied: “If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how —the very best I can, and I mean to keep doing so until the end.
A little 7-year-old boy named Alex was staring at a large plaque in the church foyer. The plaque was covered with names and small American flags. As Alex looked at it, his pastor walked up and said, “Good morning Alex.”
Alex said, “Pastor, what it this?”
“Well, it is a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.” Soberly, they stood together staring at the plaque.
In a tender voice Alex asked, “Which service, the 8:30 or the 11:00?”
The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she announced. “One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free.”
Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, “I'm not free. I'm four.”
The story is told of a rich industrialist who was disturbed to find a fisherman sitting lazily beside his boat. “Why aren’t you out there fishing?” he asked.
“Because I’ve caught enough fish for today,” said the fisherman.
“Why don’t you catch more fish than you need?” the rich man asked.
“‘What would I do with them?”
1. The gleam from their foreheads makes them look angelic while preaching.
2. The last hairpiece the preacher had flew off while he was making a particularly forceful plea from the pulpit.
3. Youth Group—enough said!
4. Deacons—enough said!
5. The hoary head is a crown of glory, so they figured gray and bald was even better!
6. When they repent, they REPENT! (Isaiah 22:12)
7. The doctor said it was the worst case of head lice he had ever seen!
A man once saw a bald eagle soaring in circles. The circles began to tighten and the man looked over to see a weasel. Suddenly the eagle dropped out of the sky like a jet and caught the weasel in its talons. Amazingly, as the eagle began to fly away the weasel began to eat away at the breast of that eagle. The man watched as the weasel tore away at that eagle, snapping bones, and chewing flesh. He watched the eagle fold up and crash and the weasel went on with his day.
Many years ago a senior executive of the then Standard Oil Company made a wrong decision that cost the company more than $2 million. John D. Rockefeller was then running the firm. On the day the news leaked out most of the executives of the company were finding various ingenious ways of avoiding Mr. Rockefeller, lest his wrath descend on their heads.
In a 1994 article, “Wars’ Lethal Leftovers Threaten Europeans,” Associated Press reporter Christopher Burns writes: “The bombs of World War II are still killing in Europe. They turn up—and sometimes blow up—at construction sites, in fishing nets, or on beaches fifty years after the guns fell silent.
“Hundreds of tons of explosives are recovered every year in France alone. Thirteen old bombs exploded in France last year, killing twelve people and wounding eleven, the Interior Ministry said.
John Hunter was a man arrogant in demeanor and possessed a violent and ungovernable temper. He was accustomed to say, “My life is at the mercy of any scoundrel who chooses to put me in a passion.”
These words proved prophetic, for at a meeting of the board of St. George’s Hospital in London, Hunter got into a heated argument with other board members, walked out, and dropped dead in the next room.