After fifteen years in youth ministry, I've learned that leading teenagers is like flying a jumbo jet—you're constantly making minor adjustments along the way. If you ever feel like you're in a spot where "we're gelling, we're jamming, things are good," get ready. Because it's not like that for very long. There's always little corrections that need to be made.
Proverbs 14:8 says, "The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way." Will Rogers once said, "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." So let's pull apart and evaluate what we're doing in youth ministry and ask the Lord to give us fresh insight.
Here are six characteristics I've found in healthy youth ministry:
1. Alignment with the Overall Vision of the Church
This is where I start. What is one of the characteristics of a healthy youth ministry? That you're not off doing your own thing. That you're aligned to the overall vision and direction of the church.
Youth ministry is not just a holding tank for kids until they become adults. Sometimes, that's how teens are spoken of even in well-intentioned churches: "Well, what are we gonna do with the teens?" Those are moments we need to make the most of, because they'll make or break your youth group. It's where teens will either feel like they're part of the ministry or that they're just in extended daycare.
We want to do whatever the church is doing. We pay real close attention to the calendar of our church and the emphasis. Our church, probably like yours, goes through seasons—seasons where we're talking about giving and stewardship, seasons where we talk about missions—and we mirror every single one of those moments in our youth ministry.
To me, it's problematic when someone graduates from our youth ministry and doesn't want to go into the midweek service or the adult service. I'm failing them if there's that disconnect. I want to have games and fun, but I'm preparing them for something bigger—to be contributors at church, to be laypeople who love the Lord and understand tithing.
This should mean you're having frequent conversations with your pastor: "Pastor, what's your heart on this? What are your thoughts? Are you okay with this?" That energizes not just your youth group but the whole church. It does the church family good to see the youth coming alongside whatever the church is doing.
2. Ongoing Partnership with Parents
I put this upfront because it is so important. My first few years in youth ministry, I'll be honest—I was terrified of parents. I would do anything to avoid them. I limited my youth ministry influence because of this fear.
I remember one time, this intentional mom called me on a Friday night. I saw her call and immediately thought, "Why is she calling me? It's Friday! Doesn't she know I'm home with my family?" I got mad thinking she was probably upset about something. I had this whole argument prepared in my mind when I called her back. You know what she said? "Hey, we did a Walmart pickup and ordered too much milk. Do you want an extra gallon?" Man, I got so worked up over nothing!
One thing I've learned is that you'll extend your youth ministry influence if you connect early and often with parents. The responsibility of raising kids falls squarely on the parents' shoulders—that's what I read in Deuteronomy 6. Don't think of your youth ministry as just ministering to kids. Minister to the parents. Get to know them. Have them over to your house.
The kids I've seen do well in our ministry are the ones where we were connected with their parents. If you have a conversation with a teen or suspect a struggle, initiate that conversation, but then very quickly loop parents in. I never keep secrets from parents. I had a kid ask me to lunch once who said, "I gotta tell you something you can't tell my parents." I said, "I don't do that."
Practically, if you aren't already having regular youth parent training meetings, you need to schedule those. We've found Sunday nights after church work best. We have an activity with the teens while keeping all the parents in to:
- Get them informed about what we're doing, our teaching calendar, upcoming activities
- Provide instruction in parenting teenagers (even if you don't have teens yet, truth is truth)
- Care for them through difficult seasons of parenting
Parents are busier than ever. Some need to request time off 6-12 months in advance, so get them information early. And don't assume anyone checks email anymore—email them, text them, call them, post on social media. Do whatever it takes to keep that connection strong.
3. Intentional Recruiting, Training, and Care of Youth Leaders
Put together a team. I know some of you are thinking, "Well, it's just me," and I get that. There are a lot of lone rangers and lone ranger couples out there. But let me say this—there's a lot of benefits to bringing the right people along in youth ministry.
One thing it does is give teens examples to look to. In my class, I've got a guy who grew up in our youth group who's now a firefighter. He loves the Lord and is a great role model for our teens. I want teens to connect with someone like that, someone maybe you can't connect with.
It also gives synergy to the work you're doing. It's helpful to have someone partner alongside you. But be really careful about who you bring on. Sometimes we think personality first, and that can be dangerous. It needs to be someone proven and tested, not new to your church. I want to see someone who's been around for several years, because it's hard if you get the wrong person on your team.
We go through a pretty rigorous vetting process. If you want more info on that, you can email me. Every year, we do inventory of who's working with our kids and make sure we have proper forms and background checks. Here in California, we now have to do LiveScan fingerprints for anyone working with kids more than 30 hours in a year.
I want to make sure my leaders know the boundaries—guys don't text girls, we don't have private conversations alone, I don't even take kids to lunch anymore without having it on campus where everyone can see us. I want to be fully transparent in our youth ministry. These are the types of things that need to be communicated to youth leaders.
4. A Comprehensive Plan for Biblical Teaching
Six years in youth ministry goes by very quickly. If you're not intentional, you can spend six years just doing one-off lessons, being reactive, and repeating yourself. I'd encourage you to look at the scope and sequence of the kids in your youth group and put together a calendar of what they're learning and when.
Every year, there are certain things kids in our youth group need to hear. They need to hear about purity every year. Now, they'll hear about it differently as seventh graders versus seniors—with seventh graders, we might not even use the word "sex" (though obviously they know what it is). But I'm going to teach principles of purity again and again until they're seniors.
They need to hear every single year about having a genuine walk with God, what it means to have good friendships, how to read their Bible. Have a comprehensive plan for how you teach the Word of God.
I put priority on our time opening God's Word. God's Word is alive and powerful. Just a few weeks ago, I was teaching about Rahab, talking about how her history didn't define her and how God used her. There were some encouraging things in that passage for kids who have messed up. I didn't know it at the time I planned it, but there were some girls who really needed to hear that. That's not something I planned—that's something the Holy Spirit planned.
In my teaching, I try to cycle through book studies, character studies, and topical studies. There are some great smaller books you can move through—I've gone through Galatians, James quite often, and right now I'm in Joshua. Then I'll do character studies, and sprinkle in topics like relationships with family or dealing with tension between parents. This way, kids know I'm not picking on them when I come to a lesson I announced three weeks ago that happens to hit home.
The lessons that resonate best are the ones I'm fired up about. When I'm excited about something, God tends to use it.
5. An Emphasis on Biblical Unity and Community
This is something we have to work hard at. There have been moments where I've had visitor bags ready, a game planned, a lesson studied for—and I come into Bible study and there's this tension. I don't know if it's because we have a Christian school on campus and these kids see each other all the time, but there have been moments where I can sense disunity in my youth group.
It doesn't matter what I planned to teach that night or what game we had. I've seen moments of disunity derail all of that. So I'm constantly hitting on the fact that God hates disunity. It's blessed for us to dwell together in unity. Every time I teach on unity, someone's hand goes up at the end, and people get right with each other afterwards.
Part of a healthy youth group is having your ear to the ground. Not trying to get dirt on everybody, but just knowing, "Hey, these kids are always sitting together, and now they're not. I want to know why."
When I talk about community, I mean a place where kids feel welcome. That's something I have to work on. General John Teichart (he's here at the conference signing books) once sent me an email when his family moved back to town. I know he's a guy who does things with excellence, so I wanted to make sure his kids felt welcome.
We put together gift bags, found out the day they were arriving, had t-shirts from a previous youth conference, personal letters from youth workers. We stopped by their house with snacks. I felt really good about our first impression.
Well, three weeks later, I got an email from the general. It was kind and pointed. He said, "My girls are having a tough time because the youth group is very insular." I had to look up what "insular" meant! He said they felt welcome from the youth workers but not from the teens.
That cut deep because we tried so hard. I had this false sense that they were fine because we had reached out, but that mattered very little. What really mattered was whether they were connecting with their peers.
Since then, we've had to be intentional about helping kids connect. We try to model hospitality. Before Bible study, I want to look for new kids and say to my regulars, "Hey guys, did you see that's a new person? Would you go talk with them? Sit with them? Make them feel welcome." You praise what you want repeated. When I see that happen, I make a big deal about it.
6. Responsiveness to Growth Opportunities & Being a Faithful Shepherd
If you're taking inventory of your youth group and they're less than responsive to serving others, that's an indicator of an area that probably needs work. There have been times we've gone through busy seasons of ministry, then had sign-ups for an event or service activity, and no one shows up. That shouldn't be regular. If no one ever has a heart to serve, something's wrong.
Your measure as a leader is not what you do, but what others do because of you. We need to give our teens three types of opportunities:
- Opportunities to deepen their faith - challenges like reading through the New Testament, accountability programs, discipleship
- Opportunities to share their faith - if your kids aren't in church a few years after graduation, either they don't know what they believe or they weren't actively involved in serving
- Opportunities to serve others - don't let teens graduate without serving somewhere
Let me end with this thought from Ezekiel 34. The prophet comes to the leaders of Israel with an indictment: "Thus saith the Lord to the shepherds, woe be to the shepherds of Israel that do feed themselves. Should not the shepherds feed the flocks?"
The leaders were failing in their integrity—looking after their own interests instead of the flock. They were failing in their responsibility—not strengthening the diseased, not healing the sick, not binding up the broken.
What happens when there's a failure of responsibility? You've got sheep that are sick and broken, and no one's caring. "They were scattered because there is no shepherd." I don't care if you're in a rural area or a bigger context—be a place where kids can come for clarity and truth, for healing, for comfort, for love.
What does a faithful shepherd do?
- A faithful shepherd goes to where the kids are—school events, games, activities
- A faithful shepherd gathers them and brings them together around God's Word
- A faithful shepherd gives without expectation of return (the fruit of youth ministry often doesn't come daily or weekly—sometimes it's years before you see major victories)
- A faithful shepherd guards against the devil who has a target on the back of kids
- A faithful shepherd glorifies God by pointing teens to Jesus
Youth ministry is about giving without any expectation of anything in return, without anyone patting you on the shoulder for it. It's about pointing teenagers to the Good Shepherd, Jesus Christ.
