Don’t let your mom brush your hair when she is mad at your dad.

If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.

Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.

You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.

You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines.

Twelve is a lot older than eight.

Sometimes your best move is blocked by your own checkers.

Some nights it’s not worth fighting over who gets the top bunk.

Don’t say that the “last one is a rotten egg” unless you’re absolutely sure there’s a slow kid behind you.

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.

You can’t start over just because you’re losing the game.

When you’re dressed up like a princess, it’s easier to act like one.

If you want someone to listen to you, whisper.

Silence can be an answer.

Don’t nod on the phone.

When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.

Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.

Never try to baptize a cat.

When your dad is mad and asks, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him.

Never tell your mom her diet is not working.