Q: How do you get two piccolos to play a perfect unison?
A: Shoot one
Q: What’s the difference between a bassoon and a
trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q: How do you make a chain saw sound like an alto sax?
A: Add vibrato.
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French Horn?
A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.
Q: What’s the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who
knows how to play the accordion and doesn’t.
Q: Why are pianist’s fingers like lightning?
A: They rarely
strike the same spot twice.
Q: Why are violins smaller than violas?
A: They are really
the same size. Violinist’s heads are just larger.
Q: What’s the difference between a cello and a coffin?
A: The coffin has the corpse inside.
Q: How can you tell when a soprano is at your door?
A: She
can’t find the key, and doesn’t know when to come in.
Q: What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
A:The viola burns longer.
Q: How can you tell when a drummer is at your front
door?
A:The knock gets faster.
Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None—they can’t get up that high.
Q: How many sopranos does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: One to change the bulb, and four to say, “I can do that!”
Q: What’s the range of a tuba?
A: Twenty yards if you have
a good arm.
Q: What’s the difference between a violist and a dog?
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Q: How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?
A: Give
him a sheet of music.
Q: What’s the definition of a minor second?
A:Two oboe
players playing in unison.
Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: Nobody knows because no one ever watches the conductor.