One woman commented on her husband’s unsavory disposition: “He can be nice when he wants to . . . he just never wants to!”
Marriage
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride wearing white?” Her mother said, “Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life!”
The little girl thought about this for a minute, then asked, “Why is the groom wearing black?”
Source: Have You Heard the One About... Religion, Lucy Blackman
Oh, I sure am happy to see you,” the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother’s side. “Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”
The grandmother was curious. ”What trick is that?” she asked.
“I heard him tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit,” the little boy answered.
Source: Unknown
Randy was unsure about his choice of clothes for church so he sought some counsel from his wife. He asked, “Do you think I should change?”
She took advantage of the opportunity and replied, “It depends—are you talking about changing your shirt or making a wholesale change as a human being?”
Source: In Other Words
The prospective father-in-law asked, “Young man, can you support a family?”
The surprised groom-to-be replied, “Well, no, I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves.”
Source: Unknown
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
Married couples spend an average of 27.5 minutes per week talking to each other, according to Ray Bridwhistell, speech communication expert. However, they spend 46 hours per week watching TV.
Source: Family Life Today, June, 1989
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
Sign posted in the Army recruiting office: “Marry a veteran, girls. He can cook, make beds, sew, and is already used to taking orders.”
Source: Unknown
Joni Erickson Tada had a terrible accident that left her a quadriplegic. In spite of her physical limitations she became an accomplished author and artist. Over 25 years ago she married her husband, Ken. For her wedding she had planned to come down the center aisle in her motorized wheel chair. Just before her grand entrance she noticed two distressing problems. First, she had rolled over her beautiful gown and made a big grease spot and tear in it. Then, the flowers in her lap had slipped and had lodged between her leg and the chair.
At Thanksgiving dinner one wife said, “Who wants to carve the turkey?”
Her father said, “You carve him, you married him.”
Source: Unknown
Friend to Wife: “Do you think your husband is hard to please?”
Wife: “I really don’t know—I’ve never tried.”
Source: Unknown
The story is told of a young man who entered a jewelry store with an engagement ring and told the jeweler he would like to have some names engraved on it. The jeweler asked, “What names do you wish to have engraved in it?”
“From Henry to Clara,” the young man whispered, red-faced.
The jeweler looked from the ring to the young man and smiled. “Take my advice, young man, and have it engraved simply, ‘From Henry.’”
Source: The Medical Standard, Volume 42, Issue 8
One man, while browsing in a Christian bookstore, discovered a shelf of “reduced price” items. Among the items was a little figurine of a man and woman, their heads lovingly tilted toward one another. “Happy 10th Anniversary,” read the inscription. It appeared to be in perfect condition, yet its tag indicated “damaged.” Examining it more closely, he found another tag underneath and chuckled—“Wife is coming unglued.”
Source: Unknown
A husband was coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital. His wife was sitting at his bedside, when his eyes fluttered open he said, “You are beautiful.” Flattered, the wife continued the vigil. Later he woke up again and said, “You’re cute!”
“What happened to beautiful?” She asked.
“The drugs are wearing off,” the husband replied.
Source: Unknown
First-grader Melanie had announced that she was engaged to marry the young gentleman next door, but the engagement was broken abruptly. When she was asked about it she said, “Well, he just isn’t ready for marriage yet. And besides that, he scribbled in my coloring book.”
Source: Unknown
A woman returned home from a holiday shopping spree with her arms loaded with packages. Her husband met her at the door and said, “What did you buy? With prices as high as they are, I’ll bet you spent a fortune. I hate to think what has happened to our nest egg.”
“I’ll tell you what happened to our nest egg,” his wife said defensively as she began to put her packages on the dining room table. “The old hen got tired of sitting on it.”