7 Ways to Encourage Your Pastor’s Wife

Be a Blessing to Your Pastor’s Wife on Purpose

Have you ever handled rose petals and noticed how soft and delicate they were? The rose has been dubbed the “Queen of Flowers.” This beautiful flower has been a symbol of love, romance, beauty and pleasure. Each bloom is different and unique. Roses are hearty but fragile at the same time. Different varieties of roses have different fragrances. Roses come in a kaleidoscopic assortment of colors, with more colors to choose from than any other flower. Being perennial flowers, they grow back year after year.

With proper care, rose plants can live extremely long lives—sometimes hundreds of years. Roses thrive in well-drained soil where they can be exposed to optimal sunlight. Although they do not bloom in the winter, they benefit from pruning prior to the cooler weather.

I would like you to think of your pastor’s wife as a rose. She is the “Queen of your Church.”☺ Each pastor’s wife is unique and beloved by each congregation. Many church members say they have the world’s “best” pastor’s wife.☺ A pastor’s wife is hearty but fragile at the same time. Pastor’s wives may go through a myriad of trials and yet, this “pruning” process is beneficial as they use lessons learned to teach others in their churches. (By the way, it is not our job to prune her!) The pastor’s wife means something different to each lady in the church. She blooms when nurtured, taken care of, and exposed to the “Sonlight.”

The first way you can be a blessing to your pastor’s wife is to read your Bible and pray daily. You may be saying, “I thought we were learning about being a blessing to our pastor’s wife!” I firmly believe that if you are reading God’s Word and praying daily, you will be filled with the Spirit and the Lord will direct you on how you can be a blessing.

God’s Word is  filled with promises, commands, edification, and so much more! Reading the Bible puts our lives in perspective. For example, if you love God’s Word, you will not be offended if your pastor’s wife cannot spend special moments just with you (Psalm 119:165). She has a congregation of ladies. It would not be right for us to monopolize her for just ourselves.

1. Pray

Spending time in prayer (especially for her) will be a blessing to her in ways we may never know here on earth. I like the following “handy” reminder for spending time in prayer. I am not sure where I first heard it but it has definitely stuck with me for many years. Using your fingers, you can pray for those in your life.

  • Our thumb, the finger that is closest to our hearts, reminds us to pray for our family.
  • Our “pointer” reminds us to pray for those who instruct us—such as our pastor and his wife, missionaries, school teachers of your children, Sunday school teachers, etc.
  • The “tall man,” our tallest finger, reminds us to pray for those in authority—such as our president, state government officials, police officers, firefighters, and others.
  • Our “ring finger,” which is said to be the weakest finger, reminds us to pray for those who are weak and sick.
  • The pinkie, our smallest finger, reminds us to pray for ourselves. We should humble ourselves before God and before others.

D.L. Moody said, “Every movement of God can be traced back to a kneeling figure.” Until we get to Heaven we may never know who was protected, encouraged, or saved as a result of our prayers. By the way, I want to warn you…praying for people using the above method will take some time. We may have to cut back on some Facebook, Twitter, and TV time in order to pray as we should.

The Bible commands us to be filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18). This is not a suggestion but a command. When we are filled with the Spirit, we will display the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23). Can you imagine if every lady in the church was filled with the Spirit on any given Sunday? There would be no reason for the pastor’s wife to intervene in a disagreement or correct an attitude. What a blessing!

2. Be in Your Place

Be faithful and responsible in your area of service in the church. When you miss a service, especially in small churches, the pastor’s wife usually ends up taking your place—whether it is in the nursery or teaching a class.

If you must be absent from “your place,” give advance notice (if possible) so that planning can be done. Your place may not be in a prominent position. The account in Mark 10:37–41 is rather amusing to us today but it was not amusing to some of the disciples at the time. Here, the mother of James and John wanted her “boys” to have prominence with Jesus. Jesus, in essence, asked her if she really wanted that for them. With prominence comes much responsibility. Are we sure we’re ready for the suffering and trials that accompany a leadership position?

3. Write Her Encouraging Notes

Proverbs 3:27 says, “Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.” Text or email her weekly and tell her something that she has done or said recently that was a blessing to you. Definitely plan one day each month that you will do something kind for her and her family—bake cookies, homemade bread or some other goodie that her family enjoys. If you are able, buy a gift certificate for them to go out to dinner and offer to watch their children.

4. Participate in Church Ladies Activities

Be involved in helping to prepare for activities. If there are workdays or nights to prepare decorations, help with these! Arrive early and help your pastor’s wife greet ladies, especially new ladies. If they are alone, introduce them to a faithful lady so that she may sit with her. Don’t wait for your pastor’s wife to ask you to do this.

Ministry takes place when divine resources flow through human instruments for the glory of God. Again, prior to the activity, ask the Holy Spirit to fill you. You will know what to do. He will guide you. Stay after the activity to help with clean up. Try not to leave until the pastor’s wife does! She should not have to be the last one cleaning up.

5. Be Kind to Her Family

I don’t think you can ever spoil your pastor’s family enough! Remember their birthdays, special events, and welcome them back from vacation with groceries and gift cards. Pray for them daily. Do not expect them to be perfect.

Pastor’s children are children—the same as everyone else’s children. They will have problems with disobedience, academics in school, and bad attitudes. If we can be a blessing to the pastor’s children, we will be a blessing to our pastor and his wife. Do not complain to her about everything her children do wrong or (heaven forbid!) gossip about her family in any way.

6. Protect Her Privacy

Remember, this family is on call 24–7, similar to the old-time doctors. Avoid calling her at home or stopping by her house unannounced. If you need to do either of these, make your contact brief. If you have her home or cell number, do not give it out unless you have permission to do so. If your pastor’s wife confides in you, do not brag or share with others what was discussed.

I hope every pastor’s wife is able to go on vacation or get some time with her husband. Avoid trying to find out where they went and what they did. That is their business.

7. Surprise Her with Her Favorite Things

You don’t have to wait until her birthday or anniversary to surprise her. Find out what her favorites are—fast food, coffee shops, kitchen store, dress store, gum, perfume, drink, snacks, collectibles, and décor. It is fun to surprise!

One year on her birthday, we surprised our pastor’s wife with one of her favorite collectibles—snowmen. She loves to decorate her home for the special days in the year. We encouraged all the ladies at our ladies retreat that year to bring a snowman. She received hundreds of varieties of snowmen! I am not sure if she still collects them.☺

Listen for what she desires for her or her family. I love the passage in 2 Samuel 23, where the Bible records that, “David longed, and said, Oh that one would give me drink of the water of the well of Bethlehem, which is by the gate! And the three mighty men brake through the host of the Philistines, and drew water out of the well of Bethlehem, that was by the gate, and took it, and brought it to David.” David was so moved that these men had risked their lives to slip into the enemy’s camp to get that water that he poured it out as unto the Lord. Love is action. Words are great but show your love to those who you love. Most likely, we will not have to risk our lives to be a blessing to our pastor’s wife, but we need to listen and act upon the impulses that the Holy Spirit impresses upon us.

I want to encourage you to take a rose petal, put it in your Bible and let it be a reminder for you to do something weekly for your pastor’s wife. Let us all try to be a blessing to our “Queens.”

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