When a young woman’s mother’s office got a fax
machine, the daughter suggested sending their correspondence by fax instead of
using the post office. Although she told her many times that it was a faster and
less expensive way to communicate, her mother continued to send her mail by
weekly letters. At Christmas, however, her mother showed that she now had a
full grasp of the technology. She faxed a $100 bill with the note: “Merry
Christmas, Darling. You’re right—it is cheaper to fax than to mail. Love, Mom.”
After unwrapping all of his presents, a little boy was asked, “Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas?” He thought
a moment and said, “No, but then, it’s not my birthday.”
A few days before Christmas two men in Florida
decided to go sailing while their wives went Christmas shopping. While the men
went out sailing a terrible storm arose. They had great difficulty keeping the
boat under control, and as they maneuvered their way back to land, they were grounded on a sandbar. They jumped overboard and had to push with all their
might trying to get the boat into deeper water. As they were doing this,
the wind was blowing terribly, the waves were rushing up upon them, and they
were soaking wet and knee deep in mud.
One child wrote a letter to Santa which read, “Dear Santa, you did not bring me
anything good last year. You did not bring me anything good the year before
that. This is your last chance. Signed, Alfred.”
An American Express survey about Christmas gifts
found that fruitcake was chosen most often (31%) from a list of “worst”
holiday gifts. It even finished ahead of “no gift at all.”When asked how to dispose of a bad gift, 30% of those surveyed said they would hide it in the
closet, 21% would return it, and 19% would give it away.
If our greatest need had been information, God would have sent us an educator; If our greatest need had been technology, God would have sent us a scientist; If our greatest need had been money, God would have sent us an economist; If our greatest need had been pleasure, God would have sent us an entertainer; But our greatest need was forgiveness, so God sent us a Saviour.
Source: Unknown
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian church, the Baptist church, the Methodist church, and the Catholic church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day,the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the
squirrels.
After much prayer and
consideration they determined that the
squirrels were predestined to be there
and they shouldn't interfere with God's
divine will.
The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no recognized days for their religion as other religions did. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the
passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel
declaring, “Case dismissed.' ” The lawyer immediately stood and objected to
the ruling saying, “Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case?
The Christians have Christmas, Easter, etc.
One year when Christmas Day fell on a Sunday, a farmer decided to go to
church. (Like some people, he thought he was fulfilling his
religious obligation by going to church twice a year—at Christmas and
Easter!) The sermon that day was preached from the text, “The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib: but Israel doth not know, my people doth not consider” (Is. 1:3). Isaiah is saying that man is dumber
than the animals. After church the farmer returned home and stood among
his cows.
