What did it feel like as you prepared to walk down the aisle on your wedding day? Were there butterflies in your stomach? Excitement like you didn’t know was possible? Once, I heard about a bride who was so nervous that she doubted she could make it to the front of the church.
To settle her nerves, her mom said, “You just need to concentrate on three things. First, think about walking down the aisle—just one foot in front of the other. Second, imagine the altar. That’s where you’ll say your vows and become one. Finally, think about the hymn being sung as you walk. Concentrating on the words will get your mind off your nerves.”
With that, the bride took a deep breath and stood at the back of the church. When the music started, the guests turned to notice her seeming confidence. Yet they began to smile as she got closer to them. Under her breath, she kept repeating three words: aisle, altar, hymn.
Let’s be honest. Sometimes, we look at our husbands as our own personal renovation project. We tell ourselves, “No worries. I’ll alter him.” But that’s not our job. The Bible is filled with instruction on how we change into the image of Christ, but never once does it give instructions on how to change your husband.
I’m not saying that your husband is perfect or that you’re a horrible wife for wanting your husband to change. The reality is, however, that we can’t change our husbands—only God can change them. Our job is to be the right partner for our husbands, and that begins by understanding our role as a helpmeet.
And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.—Genesis 2:18
That’s an incredible thought—God created us to be a helpmeet to our husband.
But let’s get practical. What does being a helpmeet look like every day?
1. Continue Investing in Your Marriage
Think back to your wedding vows. They weren’t merely a couple of traditional words you said to each other—they were vows to God that you were committed to one another for the long haul.
Your husband needs to feel secure in his relationship with you. Never threaten him with divorce—in fact, remove it from your vocabulary entirely. Don’t let your mind wander to imaginary scenarios. (What if I’d married that guy I used to date in college?…If only my husband were like my co-worker—I bet he never leaves wet rags in the laundry basket…Why doesn’t my husband bring me flowers?) Take those thoughts captive—they breed discontentment.
You have to be committed to improving your marriage. If you’re not 100% invested in making your marriage the best it can be, you’re not completely fulfilling your role as helpmeet.
2. Be Your Husband’s Companion
Make your husband your best friend. When you have exciting news you’re just bursting to tell, your husband should be the first person you go to. He should be the one you run to when you need a shoulder to cry on or counsel and support.
Make your marriage relationship fun! Leave love notes around the house. Have a special language just for you and your husband—secret signs that say I love you or made up words to say in public that only you two know. Go on the craziest date idea that you can think of. Yes, you are husband and wife, but you should also be best friends.
3. Fulfill Your Role as a Completer
How’s your team spirit? No, I’m not asking if you wear face paint, crazy hats, and wave poster board signs to cheer on your husband. But remember, marriage is not an individual sport. We should not be pursuing separate, competitive lives, but working together, overlooking each other’s faults and weaknesses for the great good of the marriage. Look for specific ways to help your husband achieve his goals. Be his cheerleader and let him know that you believe in him. Let him bounce ideas off you, knowing that you won’t ridicule him. Do all that you can to support and build your husband.
As our husband’s other half, we have an incredible amount of influence. In fact, we have the power to keep him from being the man God wants him to be or to encourage him in fulfilling his God-given purpose. So what are you waiting for? Commit to your role as a helpmeet by applying these three things to your marriage every day.