Illustrations

Little Johnny was feeling queasy in church, so he whispered to his mom, “I think I’m going to throw up!” She told him, to go outside and throw up behind the bushes where no one would see him. So he bolted for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat, looking greatly relieved. “Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?”

“I didn’t have to. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: For the Sick.”

Source: Unknown

“I hope you didn’t take it personally, Preacher,” an embarrassed woman said after a church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.”

“I did find it rather disconcerting,” the pastor replied.

“It wasn’t out of any disrespect to you,” insisted the woman, “Fred has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.”

Source: Unknown

This is my church. It is composed of people just like me. It will be friendly if I am. It will do a great work if I work. It will make generous gifts to many causes if I am generous. It will bring others into its fellowship if I bring them. Its seats will be filled if I fill them. It will be a church of loyalty and love, of faith and service. If I who make it what it is, am filled with these, Therefore, with God’s help, I dedicate myself to the task of being all these things I want my church to be.

Source: Unknown

The number of churches that close each year is nearly three times the number that open, and no county in the nation reports a higher percentage of church attendance than ten years ago.

Source: SBC Life, June 2003

A little boy said, “Dad, did Grandpa make you go to Sunday school when you were my age?”

His father said, “He sure did. We went every Sunday.”

The boy said sadly, “Well, I bet it won’t do me any good either.”

It is not enough to just go to church. We must apply the Bible to our everyday lives.

Source: Unknown

An elderly woman walked into a church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps, “Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.

“The front row please,” she answered.

“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said “the pastor is really boring.”

“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.

“No.” he said.

“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked.

“No.” she said.

“Good,” he answered.

Source: Unknown

Free trip to Heaven—details inside.

Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins’.

Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!

Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons—come hear one!

People are like tea bags—you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.

Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!

Sign broken—message inside this Sunday.

Fight truth decay—study the Bible daily.

How will you spend eternity—smoking or nonsmoking?

Dusty Bibles lead to dirty lives.

In April, 2009 the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life reported the unchurched is the fastest growing religious group in America. Over sixteen percent of those surveyed belonged to no church and did not identify with any religious group.

One Sunday morning, two men are out in a boat, fishing. After several hours on the lake without catching a single fish, one of the men says to his friend, “You know, we probably should have stayed home and gone to church this morning.”

The other man says, “Well, I could have stayed home, but I couldn’t have gone to church.”

“Why’s that?” asks his friend.

“My wife is sick,” the fisherman answers.

Source: Unknown

A man was marooned on a desolate island. After he had been there for five years he was found and rescued. As he climbed into the rescue boat the curious rescuers noticed three grass huts. “We thought you were alone, why are there three huts,” they asked.

The man replied, “The first hut is my home; the second is my church.”

“What about the third hut?”

“Oh, that’s the church I used to belong to!”

Source: Unknown