In one of Aesop’s Fables, a donkey walking through the woods finds the skin of a lion. Hunters had killed the lion and left the skin to dry in the sun. The donkey put on the lion’s skin and was delighted to discover that all the other animals were terrified of him and ran away when he appeared. Rejoicing in his newfound respect, the donkey brayed his happiness—only to give himself away by his voice. The moral of the fable was clear: fine clothes may disguise, but silly words will disclose a fool.
“A man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.”—Mark Twain
In June of 2013 news broadcasts across the country featured a little boy named Grayson Clamp doing something he had never done before. The three-year-old was born without the auditory nerves that carry sound to the brain. Attempts to restore his hearing with a cochlear implant were unsuccessful, so doctors at the University of North Carolina tried an experimental procedure to implant an auditory nerve directly into Grayson’s brain.
In the washroom of a place of business in London, British newspaper publisher William Beaverbrook happened to meet Edward Heath, a young member of Parliament, about whom Beverbrook had printed an insulting article a few days earlier. “My dear chap,” said the publisher, embarrassed by the meeting, “I’ve been thinking it over, and I was wrong. Here and now, I wish to apologize.”
“Very well,” grunted Heath, “but the next time, I wish you’d insult me in the washroom and apologize in your newspaper.”
Source: The Little Brown Book of Anecdotes, Clifton Fadiman
During World War II, the United States government became concerned that a number of German spies were operating in America, sending information back to Germany regarding Allied war plans and specific troop and ship movements. To keep them from impacting the war effort, the Office of War Information launched a national campaign around the slogan “Loose Lips Sink Ships.” It was a solemn warning to people not to repeat information that might be damaging or even deadly if it fell into the wrong hands.
The story is told about a barber who had just been gloriously saved in an old-fashioned revival meeting. The next morning at work he wanted to share his new faith and witness to the lost. A customer came in, and the barber began to shave him. He was trying to muster up the right words to say. Finally as he stood with his razor poised over the man’s throat he asked, “Are you prepared to meet God?”
The story is told about a lady who called American Airlines and asked the reservation clerk, “How long does it take to get from Dallas-Fort Worth to Frankfort, Germany?” The clerk had to wait a moment for the information to come up on her computer screen, so she said, “Just a minute.” The caller responded, “Thanks very much,” and hung up! Most of the things that really matter in life do not happen in “just a minute.”
A married couple had a quarrel and ended up giving each other the silent treatment. Two days into their mute argument, the man realized he needed his wife’s help. In order to catch a flight to Chicago for a business meeting, he had to get up at 5 a.m.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5 a.m.”
President Abraham Lincoln once summoned an Army surgeon to the White House. The major assumed that he was to be commended for some exceptional work. During the conversation Mr. Lincoln asked the major about his widowed mother. “She is doing fine,” he responded.
“How do you know?” asked Lincoln. “You haven’t written her, but she has written me.” Lincoln continued, “She thinks that you are dead, and she is asking that a special effort be made to return your body.”
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, well never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,” the husband explained. “She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts.” He continued, “She communicates well, and I act like I’m listening.”
Christine Chapman was supposed to bring her mother-in-law to the doctor, but she could not get her to stop talking to the neighbor. Finally, Christine escorted her away from the conversation so they wouldn’t be late. Once inside the car, her mother-in-law said, “Sorry, but I didn’t know what to do. The woman wouldn’t stop listening to me.”
Source: Reader’s Digest, January 2008
Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Auto Repair Service: Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Save regularly in our bank. You’ll never reget it.
A woman who traveled abroad without her husband got to Paris and found a fabulous bracelet she’d been looking for. So she sent a wire back home saying, “I have found this beautiful bracelet, one I’ve been looking for all my life. It only costs $7,500. Do you think I can buy it?”
Her husband wired back a short but firm reply, “No, price too high!” And he signed his name. But in the transmission, the comma was left out and the message read, “No price too high.” Oh, she was thrilled! Omitting that comma almost put that guy in a coma.
Tact is one of the lost arts of the twentieth century. I heard about a man who lacked tact. He was the type of person who just couldn’t say anything graciously. He and his wife owned a poodle. They loved this dog. It was the object of their affection. The wife was to take a trip abroad, and she made it to New York on the first day. She called home and asked her husband, “How are things?”
He said, “The dog’s dead!”
She was devastated. After collecting her thoughts, she asked, “Why do you do that? Why can’t you be more tactful?”
Free trip to Heaven—details inside.
Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins’.
Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!
Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons—come hear one!
People are like tea bags—you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.
Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!
Sign broken—message inside this Sunday.
Fight truth decay—study the Bible daily.
How will you spend eternity—smoking or nonsmoking?
Dusty Bibles lead to dirty lives.
Former President Ronald Reagan says he learned the need for decision-making early in life. An aunt had taken him to a cobbler to have a pair of shoes made for him. The shoemaker asked young Ronald Reagan, “Do you want a square toe or a round toe?”
Reagan hemmed and hawed. So the cobbler said, “Come back in a day or two and let me know what you want.”
A few days later the shoemaker saw Reagan on the street and asked what he had decided about the shoes. “I still haven’t made up my mind,” the boy answered. “Very well,” said the cobbler.
One lady waited until the last minute to send Christmas cards. She knew she had forty-nine folks on her list. So she rushed into a store and bought a package of fifty cards without really looking at them. Still in a big hurry, she addressed the forty-nine and signed them without reading the message inside.
On Christmas Day when things had quieted down somewhat, she happened to come across the one leftover card and finally read the message she had sent to forty-nine of her friends. Much to her dismay, it said:
A park ranger at Yellowstone National Park was leading a group of hikers to a fire lookout. The ranger was so intent on telling the hikers about the flowers and animals that he considered the messages on his two-way radio distracting, so he switched it off. As the group neared the tower, the ranger was met by a nearly breathless lookout, who asked why he hadn’t responded to the messages on his radio. A grizzly bear had been seen stalking the group, and the authorities were trying to warn them of the danger.