A choir was practicing for a concert when the director, “Eight
years ago I was directing another choir in this anthem, and they made the same
mistakes you’re making.” A choir member called out, “Same director!”
Source: The Story File: 1001 Contemporary Illustrations, Steve May
A little girl said to her teacher, ”Miss Hayes, I
don’t want to scare you, but my dad said, If my grades don’t improve, someone’s
going to get a spanking!”
Early
African converts to Christianity were earnest and regular in private devotions.
Each one reportedly had a separate spot in the thicket where he would pour out
his heart to God. Over time the paths to these places became well worn. As a
result, if one of these believers began to neglect prayer, it was soon apparent
to the others. They would kindly remind the negligent
one, “Brother, the grass grows on your path.”
Source: Today in the Word
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
A missionary had been teaching tithing to his church. One
morning a young Christian came to the missionary’s door with a fishing pole in
one hand and a fish in the other hand. He said, “Here’s my tithe.”
The missionary asked him where the rest of his fish were and
the man replied, “Oh, they’re in the river, I just wanted to bring God His
first.”
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the
blood. She said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know,
would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”
“Yes,” the class said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the
ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow said, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
A teacher was trying to get each of her fifth grade students to buy a copy of the class picture. She said, “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are
all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael,
He’s a doctor.’
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s
the teacher, She’s dead.”
One day a little girl noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are
some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something
wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma,
how come all of Grandma’s hairs are white?”
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to honor thy Father and
thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our
brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shalt
not kill.”
