Thanksgiving

One dear lady was not a cook, but the family decided that after many years, they should eat at home for Thanksgiving. She said, “I’ve cooked this turkey for the first time and I’m gonna bring it to the table. If it’s not good, don’t say a word. If it’s not good, there will be no negative comments, we’ll just go to a restaurant and have a meal.” So, she went to the kitchen to get the turkey, only to come into the dining room to see her husband and son at the table with hat and coat on.

Source: Unknown

Sonya Thomas beat men four times her size in an eating contest. Ms. Thomas, who weighed 106 pounds, defeated 400-pound runners-up Ed “Cookie” Jarvis and Eric “Badlands” Booker in New York’s Thanksgiving Invitational by downing 7 3/4 pounds of holiday food in 12 minutes. After the event Ms. Thomas said, “I’m full, but I could eat more.”

Source: World Magazine, December, 13, 2003

After World War II, two families were waiting in line after a church service to greet the pastor. The church was preparing to build a building at that time.

The first family in line said, “Pastor, as you know, our son was killed in the war—we would like to give $200.00 as a memorial gift.”

The second family said, “Pastor we were going to give $200.00, but our son came home—we’ll give $500.00.”

Source: Unknown

A Peanuts cartoon showed Charlie Brown bringing Snoopy his dinner on Thanksgiving Day. But it was just his usual dog food. Snoopy looked at his bowl and said, “This isn’t fair. The rest of the world today is eating turkey with all the trimmings, and all I get is dog food. Because I’m a dog, all I get is dog food.” He stared at his food for a while, and said, “I guess it could be worse. I could be a turkey.”

The Butterball Turkey Company set up a telephone hotline to answer consumer questions about preparing turkeys. One woman called to inquire about cooking a turkey that had been in the bottom of her freezer for 23 years. The Butterball representative told her the turkey would probably be safe to eat if the freezer had been kept below zero for the entire 23 years. But the Butterball representative warned her that even if the turkey was safe to eat, the flavor would probably have deteriorated to such a degree that she would not recommend eating it.

“We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven. We have been preserved, these many years, in peace and prosperity. We have grown in numbers, wealth and power, as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us; and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own.

On Thursday, November 27, 2003 President George W. Bush made a surprise visit to Iraq so that he could thank U.S. troops for defending the American people from danger. The President served Thanksgiving dinner to 600 soldiers. Speaking of the soldiers far from their home, he said, “It’s got to be lonely for them. I thought it was important to send that message, that we care for them.”  The visit was well received by the battle-worn soldiers, but it also surprised the President’s family, who were expecting him at his ranch in Texas.

In Family Circus, Billy is talking to his Grandmother. She encourages him to be grateful and says, “Always count your blessings.”  Billy replies, “But I’m not very good at arithmetic.” Thanksgiving is the time to improve in gratefulness.

Source: In Other Words

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they're dead.”

Source: Unknown

Dwayne frantically turned to his wife and muffled the phone’s mouthpiece. With an ashen face he quietly repeated the last comment from the telephone conversation he was having with his parents. He whispered to Ashley, “Dad said we can go to their house for Thanksgiving or they can cut us out of their will. He says it’s our choice.”

Source: In Other Words

Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

A. J. Jacobs is the acclaimed author best known for completely immersing himself in his research. He read an entire set of Encyclopedia Britannica for his book The Know-It-All and spent another year living like an Old Testament Hebrew. Among his unique quests, he once embraced the original version of Thanksgiving. He came to realize it was quite a celebration with games, riddles, races, contests, and foods like eel and lobster.