Church

The story is told of various church members and their attitude toward the midweek service:

Brother A. thought it looked like rain, and concluded that his family, including himself of course, had better remain at home. On Thursday evening it was raining very hard, and the same brother hired a carriage, and took his whole family to the Academy of Music, to hear M. Agassiz lecture on the “Intelligence of the Lobster.”

An elderly lady was amazed at how nice the young man was next door. Everyday he would help her gather things from her car or help her in her yard. One day the old lady finally asked the young man, “Son, how did you become such a fine young man?"

The young man replied, “Well, when I was a boy, I had a drug problem.”

The old lady was shocked, “I can’t believe that.”

The young man replied, “It’s true, my parents drug me to church on Sunday morning, drug me to church on Sunday night, and drug me to church on Wednesday night.”

Source: Unknown

Grace Davidson took her four-year-old granddaughter to “big church” for the first time. She sat quietly taking in every aspect of the service and her attentive curiosity stayed in check until the pastoral prayer. The pastor said, “We thank You, Lord, for Your presence.” The little girl’s eyes flew open and she whispered to her grandmother, “Granny, we’re gonna get presents!”

Source: The Best of Grandparents’ Brag Board, Pregal and Riley

“If a church changes doctrine and structure to follow its members’ views, it is difficult to see the value of that church and its religion. Religions must claim to be true, and in their essentials, to uphold principles that are universal and eternal. No church that panders to the zeitgeist deserves respect, and very shortly it will not get respect, except from those who find it politically useful, and that is less respect than disguised contempt.”—Slouching Towards Gomorrah, Robert H. Bork

Two sisters were playing together when eight-year-old Martha insisted that they play school. Five-year-old Jenny wasn’t the least bit interested in thinking about school, but the older sister wouldn’t take “No” for an answer. Finally, little Jenny conceded and said, “OK, I’ll play.” She then added, “Mark me absent!”

Unfortunately, that is the attitude many Christians have towards church attendance.

Source: Unknown

Dr. Al Fasol, a retired preaching professor, wrote about the true story of a man who experienced a rude awakening in church. He generally slept in church, so he dropped off like he always did, only this time a power outage left the auditorium in total darkness. The pastor did not use notes to preach and kept right on preaching.

“I hope you didn’t take it personally, Preacher,” an embarrassed woman said after a church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.”

“I did find it rather disconcerting,” the pastor replied.

“It wasn’t out of any disrespect to you,” insisted the woman, “Fred has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child.”

Source: Unknown

This is my church. It is composed of people just like me. It will be friendly if I am. It will do a great work if I work. It will make generous gifts to many causes if I am generous. It will bring others into its fellowship if I bring them. Its seats will be filled if I fill them. It will be a church of loyalty and love, of faith and service. If I who make it what it is, am filled with these, Therefore, with God’s help, I dedicate myself to the task of being all these things I want my church to be.

Source: Unknown

The number of churches that close each year is nearly three times the number that open, and no county in the nation reports a higher percentage of church attendance than ten years ago.

Source: SBC Life, June 2003

A little boy said, “Dad, did Grandpa make you go to Sunday school when you were my age?”

His father said, “He sure did. We went every Sunday.”

The boy said sadly, “Well, I bet it won’t do me any good either.”

It is not enough to just go to church. We must apply the Bible to our everyday lives.

Source: Unknown

An elderly woman walked into a church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps, “Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.

“The front row please,” she answered.

“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said “the pastor is really boring.”

“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.

“No.” he said.

“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked.

“No.” she said.

“Good,” he answered.

Source: Unknown

In April, 2009 the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life reported the unchurched is the fastest growing religious group in America. Over sixteen percent of those surveyed belonged to no church and did not identify with any religious group.

One Sunday morning, two men are out in a boat, fishing. After several hours on the lake without catching a single fish, one of the men says to his friend, “You know, we probably should have stayed home and gone to church this morning.”

The other man says, “Well, I could have stayed home, but I couldn’t have gone to church.”

“Why’s that?” asks his friend.

“My wife is sick,” the fisherman answers.

Source: Unknown

A man was marooned on a desolate island. After he had been there for five years he was found and rescued. As he climbed into the rescue boat the curious rescuers noticed three grass huts. “We thought you were alone, why are there three huts,” they asked.

The man replied, “The first hut is my home; the second is my church.”

“What about the third hut?”

“Oh, that’s the church I used to belong to!”

Source: Unknown

Two deputies in Plain City, Utah pursued a seven-year old boy who was driving a Dodge Intrepid on Sunday, July 26, 2009. Preston Scarbrough reached a speed of forty miles per hour before finally pulling into his family’s driveway and running inside the house. He told his dad he got in the car and drove away because he did not want to go to church.

Source: FoxNews.com, Published July 31, 2009

1. Every time I went, they asked me for money.
2. The people sitting in my row didn’t seem very friendly.
3. The seats were very hard.
4. The coach never came to visit me.
5. The referees made a decision I didn’t agree with.
6. I was sitting with hypocrites—they only came to see what others were wearing!
7. Some games went into overtime and I was late getting home.
8. The band played some songs I had never heard before.
9. The games are scheduled on my only day to sleep in and run errands.

I am an empty pew.
I vote for the world as against God.
I deny the Bible.
I mock at the preached Word of God.
I rail at Christian fellowship.
I laugh at prayer.
I break the Fourth Commandment;
I am a witness to solemn vows broken.
I advise men to eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die.
I join my voice with every atheist and rebel against human and divine law.
I am an empty pew.
I am a grave in the midst of the congregation.
Read my epitaph and be wise.—Unkown

As the pastor introduced his children’s sermon on Easter, he asked the little ones, “Do you see anything different about our church today?”

Little Heather quickly figured out the difference and blurted out, “It’s full!”

Source: Illustration Digest, March/April 1994

Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College

The English poet Samuel Coleridge talked with a man who did not believe that children should be given any religious instruction at all.

This man claimed that the child’s mind should not be prejudiced in any direction, and when he became older he should be permitted to choose his religious opinions for himself.

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.”

“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers.”

Source: Unknown