Illustrations

I heard of a man who attended church one week and become increasingly agitated with the message. On the way out he stopped to speak to the Pastor. He said, “You really have to do something about your sermons. You speak about the same topic every time I am here.” The preacher said, “You only come on Easter Sunday.”—Source Unknown

One year when Christmas Day fell on a Sunday, a farmer decided to go to church. (Like some people, he thought he was fulfilling his religious obligation by going to church twice a year—at Christmas and Easter!) The sermon that day was preached from the text, “The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib: but Israel doth not know, my people doth not consider” (Is. 1:3). Isaiah is saying that man is dumber than the animals. After church the farmer returned home and stood among his cows.

It was Easter Sunday, 1973. Uganda groaned under the terror of Idi Amin. Still fresh in young Pastor Kefa Sempangi’s memory was a face burned beyond recognition, the sight of soldiers cruelly beating a man, and the horrible sound of boots crushing bones—all for the crime of being a Christian. But Easter of 1973 Pastor Sempangi bravely and openly preached on the risen Lord in his town’s football stadium to over 7,000 people. After the service, five of Idi Amin’s Secret Police followed Sempangi back to his church and closed the door behind them.

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Tom and his wife, Grace, listened to the instructor: “It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.” He addressed the men: “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?” Tom leaned over, touched Grace’s arm gently, and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?”

Source Unknown

“Cash, check, or charge?” asked the salesclerk as the lady made her purchases. When she fumbled for her wallet, the clerk noticed a TV remote control in her purse. “So, do you always carry your TV remote around with you?” he asked. “No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could legally do to him.”

Source Unknown

A young man came to his boss and asked for the day off to attend his grandmother's funeral. His boss said, “Sure.”

The next day the young man was talking to his boss. The boss said, “Do you believe in resurrection from the dead?”  

Young man, “Yes.” 

“Interesting, because after you left work yesterday, your grandmother came to visit you!”—Source Unknown

The tomb could hold Him no longer;
Death is strong, but life is stronger.
Stronger than the dark—the light.
Stronger than the wrong—the right.
Faith and hope triumphant say,
“Christ arose on Resurrection Day!”—Source Unknown

McKenzie wasn’t trying to start a theological debate, she just wanted to make a point about Jesus’ resurrection. Her Sunday school teacher had tried to encourage her class with the assurance that Jesus is everywhere. But for McKenzie, that didn’t sound right. So she said, “I know one place where Jesus isn’t.” The teacher curiously replied, “Oh, really? Where is that?”

The A.C.

A New York Times article on people who are sick of too many hours at work tells the story of Diane Knorr, a former dot—com executive: “The first time I got a call way after hours from a senior manager, I remember being really flattered and thinking, wow! I'm really getting up there now.” But gradually, her work and family life became a blur with hours that were hard to scale back. “If I leave at 5:00 and everyone else leaves at 6:30, I might look like the one who is not pulling his weight,” she said. In college, Mrs.