A pastor once said to a man in town, “When you were born, your
mother brought you to church. When you were married, your wife
brought you to church. When you die, your friends will bring you to
church. Why not try coming to church on your own sometime?”
Coffee was always served at our church after the sermon. One Sunday the
pastor asked a child if he knew why we had coffee hour. Without
hesitating, the youngster replied, “To wake people up before they have
to drive home.”
While Roxie Wallace’s preschool grandson was visiting, he got testy and
started crying about the least little things that didn’t go his
way. One such incident involved animal crackers. He wanted some more,
but she refused to give in so he burst into tears. In exasperation
Roxie said, “Sam, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you. You cry
over nothing.” He calmed down, looked at her and replied, “You need to
tell me, ‘Stop whining.’”
“The Great Wall of China is a gigantic structure which cost an immense
amount of money and labor. When it was finished, it appeared
impregnable. But the enemy breached it. Not by breaking it down or
going around it. They did it by bribing the gatekeepers.”—Harry Emerson Fosdick
Source: The Minister's Manual, 2008 edition, Lee McGlone
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, the
police officer was interrupted by a little girl. She asked if he was a
policeman, and he nodded while continuing with his report. She then
explained how her mother told her that if she ever needed help she
should ask a policeman. She asked, “Is that right?” The officer
replied, “Yes, that's right.” The kindergartener then pointed at her
shoe and tenderly asked, “Would you please tie my shoe?”
“Holiness does not consist in mystic speculations, enthusiastic
fervours, or uncommanded austerities; it consists in thinking as God
thinks, and willing as God wills.”—John Brown
1. Wheelbarrows–must be pushed 2. Canoes–need paddling 3. Kites–must be kept on a string 4. Footballs–can’t tell where they will bounce next 5. Balloons–full of wind
ready to blow up 6. Trailers–must be pulled 7. Lights–go on and off 8. Kittens–content when petted
But some are like the North Star—there when you need them, dependable, and loyal.
In the 1880s a young man who was an earnest Christian found employment
in a pawnshop. Although he disliked the work, he did it faithfully as
unto the Lord until a more desirable opportunity opened for him. To
prepare himself for a life of Christian service, he wrote on a scrap of
paper the following resolutions: “I do promise God that I will rise
early every morning to have a few minutes—not less than five—in
private prayer.
A door-to-door salesman from a publishing house asked a lady if she
owned a copy of the Bible. "I certainly do!" she replied with some
pride. To his next question, did she read it regularly, she responded,
"Oh, yes!" and sent her little daughter to get the Bible from the table
drawer. As she showed it to the salesman, her spectacles fell from between
the pages. Without thinking, she exclaimed, "Oh, here are my glasses!
I've been looking for these for 3 years!"
In 1973, a horse named Secretariat became a legend in his time. Not only did Secretariat win the Triple Crown of Thoroughbred Racing, but he
did it with an unprecedented performance. At the Belmont Stakes, he not
only won the race by 31 lengths, but he set new records along the way
as he went faster with each phase of the run. For one-and-one-half
miles, that famous thoroughbred ran faster every second. Secretariat was
accelerating at such an incredible pace that his trainer noted if the
race had been extended another lap, his heart would have literally
exploded.
The two most intellectually astute years for children are age four and age seventeen. At four they know all of the questions, and at seventeen they know all of
the answers.
Monarch butterflies are a celebrated species that automatically capture
attention with their brilliant beauty. Each fall, these butterflies
migrate from the United States and Canada to Angangueo,
Mexico. Amazingly, they all congregate at the top of the same mountain
each year with phenomenal punctuality around the first of
November. They are so dense that you can actually hear the noise of
their wings flapping when they take off to fly, and the trees literally
bend from their cumulative weight.
Even with escalating gas prices, Ward still took his family for a long
trek out to California and up the Pacific coast. When he returned,
friends were eager to hear how it turned out. Ward couldn't have been
more pleased. He said they made it all the way to Los Angeles before a
tow truck picked them up. His buddies sighed as if they were feeling his
pain. Ward quickly replied, “Oh, there wasn't anything wrong with the
car. It was just cheaper to get towed than pay for gas.”
Source: Adapted from Reader's Digest, November, 2005
Judd Lewis (1867-1945) worked for forty-five years at the Houston Post
newspaper. He wrote a column of humor and poetry under the name, “Uncle
Judd.” He was a man of great compassion who helped find a proper home
for two hundred twenty-one homeless children. No doubt, each of them had issues of
forgiveness to work through, so it is not surprising that one of Lewis’s
most memorable pieces involved the fine art of forgetting wrongs
suffered. His poem is titled “Forget It”
Driving through Texas, a New Yorker collided with a truck carrying a
horse. A few months later he tried to collect damages for his
injuries. “How can you now claim to have all these injuries?” asked the
insurance company's lawyer. “According the police report, at the time
you said you were not hurt.”
“It's like this,” said the New Yorker. “I
was lying in the road in a lot of pain, and I heard someone say the
horse had a broken leg. The next thing I knew, the sheriff pulled out
his gun and shot the horse. Then he turned to me and said, 'Are you
okay?'”
A. J. Jacobs is the acclaimed author best known for completely immersing
himself in his research. He read an entire set of Encyclopedia
Britannica for his book The Know-It-All and spent another year living like an Old
Testament Hebrew. Among his unique quests, he once embraced the
original version of Thanksgiving. He came to realize it was quite a
celebration with games, riddles, races, contests, and foods like eel and
lobster.
During musical tryouts, a young man with a horrible voice auditioned for
the lead part. He simply didn't have the ability to sing and that
became more obvious with each passing measure. His entire rendition was
off pitch and painful to hear. The panel of judges sat in stunned
silence, but when he finished, one judge jumped to his feet and gave the
young man a rousing ovation.
Satan promises the best, but pays with the worst; He promises honor
and pays with disgrace; He promises pleasure and pays with pain; He
promises profit and pays with loss; He promises life and pays with
death.—Thomas Brooks
