Illustrations

1. I enjoy vomiting.
2. My wife likes my breath and bleary eyes.
3. My children respect me more.
4. I hope to win the safe-driving award.
5. I plan to encourage juvenile delinquency.
6. I want to provide more good citizens such as bartenders and pub operators.
7. I can think so clearly.
8. I collect bottles. Drinking saves the cost of buying them.
9. I look forward to retiring in a “flophouse” on Skid Row.

Sitting in the stands at a baseball game, a lady critic yelled, “Ump, if I was your wife, I’d feed you poison.” This was all the baseball umpire could stomach. Glaring back, he shouted, “And if I were your husband, I’d take it!”

Source: Unknown

Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College

Automatic dishwashers—they make it possible to get out of the kitchen before the family comes in for their after-dinner snacks.

Husbands who attack small repair jobs around the house. They usually make them big enough to call in professionals.

Children who put away their things and clean up after themselves. They’re such a joy you hate to see them go home to their own parents.

Gardening—it’s a relief to deal with dirt outside the house for a change.

Smoke alarms—they let you know when the turkey’s done.

John Currier was found guilty of murder in 1949 and sentenced to life in prison. Later he was paroled to work on a farm near Nashville, Tennessee.

In 1968, Currier’s sentence was terminated, and a letter bearing the good news was sent to him. But John never saw the letter, nor was he told anything about it. Ten years went by. Then a state parole officer learned about Currier’s plight, found him, and told him that his sentence had been terminated. He was a free man.

At the one-hundredth anniversary of the arrival of missionaries in Zaire, Christians gathered to celebrate from that part of Zaire that was once called the Belgian Congo. Near the end of the celebration, a very old man stood to give a speech. He said that he would die soon and that he needed to tell something that no other man still living knew.

The Baptist preacher Dr. George W. Truett accepted an invitation from a church to preach the dedication sermon for their new building. He arrived at the church about ten minutes before the service started, and was told that the church needed to raise $6,500 by the next day in order to finish paying for the building. The church officers told him that they were depending on him to raise the money.

Dr. Truett preached the sermon then said, “These men bid me to tell you that you must give $6,500 in cash, which is all due tomorrow. Will you provide it?”

During the Civil War someone reported to Abraham Lincoln that Edwin Stanton, one of the President’s cabinet members, had referred to him as a fool. Mr. Lincoln replied, “Well, I must check into that, for I have found that he is usually correct in his judgments.”

Source: My Favorite Illustrations, H. H. Hobbs

Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College

When it comes to Thanksgiving, Americans like to begin grazing long before the big meal begins. The average person consumes about 10% of their Thanksgiving calories before the turkey is ever served.

Source: AARP Bulletin, November/December 2010

Few Americans have had more setbacks than the Pilgrims who made seven times more graves than huts. They still set aside a day for giving thanks.

Source: Don’t Shoot the Horse, H. Randy Hayes

A farm boy got a white football for Christmas. He played with it awhile and accidentally kicked it over into the neighbor’s yard. The old rooster ran out, looked at it, and called the hens to see it. “Now look here,” the rooster told them, “I don’t want you to think I’m complaining, but I want you to see what they are doing next door.”

Source: Unknown

Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College