Illustrations

First-grader Melanie had announced that she was engaged to marry the young gentleman next door, but the engagement was broken abruptly. When she was asked about it she said, “Well, he just isn’t ready for marriage yet. And besides that, he scribbled in my coloring book.”

Source: Unknown

The story is told about two wives who were doing their laundry in a laundry mat. They were both mending their husband’s pants.

One wife said, “My husband is so miserable. Nothing goes right at work, and he can’t find anything good on television. Our home is a place of despair. When we go to church, the song leader is terrible and the pastor is an idiot.

The other wife said “My husband is so excited.” He can’t wait to go to church. He loves the sermons. We laugh all the time and enjoy our family.

A woman returned home from a holiday shopping spree with her arms loaded with packages. Her husband met her at the door and said, “What did you buy? With prices as high as they are, I’ll bet you spent a fortune. I hate to think what has happened to our nest egg.”

“I’ll tell you what happened to our nest egg,” his wife said defensively as she began to put her packages on the dining room table. “The old hen got tired of sitting on it.”

Source: Unknown

Husband to wife as he turns on the first football game of the year: “Is there anything you want to say before the season starts?”

Source: Unknown

In one Peanuts cartoon Lucy says to Charlie Brown, “I hate everything. I hate everybody. I hate the whole wide world!”

Charlie says, “But I thought you had inner peace.”

Lucy replies, “I do have inner peace. But I still have outer obnoxiousness.”

Source: Unknown

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy!

“Grandpa,” the child asked, “what year were you born?”

“In 1937,” the grandfather replied.

“Wow!” exclaimed the grandson. “If you were a baseball card, you would be worth lots of money!”

Source: Unknown

Dr. John R. Rice, a great evangelist now with the Lord, was asked to conduct a revival meeting at a Baptist church in Woodbine, Texas. Divisions and strife had broken the heart of the pastor until he had resigned and left. The county missionary, hoping to see the church revived and God’s work made prosperous, asked Dr. Rice to come and preach the revival services. He found the whole community divided. One or more deacons had had fist fights in the quarrel that had reached nearly every home. Many had taken a vow never to return to the little church.

Mormons say that the angel Moroni visited Joseph Smith and completed the compilation and writing of the Book of Mormon. He told Joseph Smith where to find golden plates buried near his family home. He then translated what was written on those plates (the Book of Mormon). Eleven men are said to have seen the plates and three of them were relatives of Joseph Smith.

The story is told of a king who was in his throne room, holding a council with his advisers, noblemen, and high ministers of state. Suddenly there was a bang and a clatter at the door of the throne room. All eyes turned as the door burst open and a young boy ran into the room.

One of the king’s royal guardsmen tried to stop the boy. “Hold there, lad!” he shouted. “Don’t you know you’re disturbing the council of the king?”

“He’s your king,” laughed the boy, “but he’s my Daddy!” And the boy bounced into the open arms of his father, the king.

A man compared his wife to an angel. He said, “My wife is an angel. She’s always up in the air harping about something.”

Source: Unknown

Submitted by Ray Cazis