Children

At the age of five, Hannah made an insightful statement about her newfound faith. She told her mother, “I think Jesus has moved out of my heart.” With curiosity and concern, her mom asked where Hannah thought Christ had gone. She replied, “He has moved to my throat, because all I want to do is tell people about Jesus.”

Source: Mature Living, March, 2009

An old preacher was met one of his deacons, whose face wore a very resolute expression.

“I came early to meet you,” he said. “I have something on my conscience to say to you. Pastor, there must be something radically wrong in your preaching and work; there has been only one person added to the church in a whole year, and he is only a boy.”

Some parents say, “I don’t believe in making kids go to church. They will resent it later.”

Do you make them brush their teeth? Have you ever heard a teenager say, “When I turn eighteen I will not brush my teeth again!”

Source: Unknown

Blake Seybolt delivered pizzas to help with his college expenses. Once a seven-year-old boy came to the door to pay for the pizzas carrying a check in one hand and two one-dollar bills in the other. The boy pocketed the bills and presented the check to Blake which was in the exact amount of the bill. Blake asked, “Could that have been the tip?”

The boy responded, “Yep, not bad for just a walk from the living room and back.”

Sometimes Christians act that way with the money that God wants them to give to others.

I took a piece of plastic clay,
And idly fashioned it one day,
And as my fingers pursued it still,
It moved and yielded at my will.

It came of age when days were past,
And the piece of clay was hard at last...
The form I gave it, it still bore,
But I could change it no more.

I took a piece of living clay,
And gently formed it day by day,
And molded it with power and art
A young child’s soft and yielding heart.

A little boy and his father were playing store. The father offered to pay a nickel for a set of binoculars, and the boy said, “Dad we’re playing store, we’re not playing church!”

Source: Unknown

During a parent-teacher meeting, Miss Nichols told the Nettles, “In my 30 years of teaching, your son is my favorite student to have absent.”

Source: In Other Words

A little girl said to her teacher, ”Miss Hayes, I don’t want to scare you, but my dad said, If my grades don’t improve, someone’s going to get a spanking!”

Source: Unknown

When parents suddenly realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.

Source: Unknown

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. She said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”

“Yes,” the class said.

“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

A little fellow said, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

Source: Unknown

A teacher was trying to get each of her fifth grade students to buy a copy of the class picture. She said, “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, She’s dead.”

Source: Unknown

One day a little girl noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come all of Grandma’s hairs are white?”

Source: Unknown

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to honor thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, “Thou shalt not kill.”

Source: Unknown

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

Teacher: It is physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal its throat is very small.

Little girl: Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

The irritated teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

Little girl: When I get to Heaven I will ask Jonah.

Teacher: What if Jonah went to hell?

Little girl: Then you ask him.

Source: Unknown

Little Willie’s mother found him with his hand in the cookie jar. She said, “What are you doing?”

He replied, “I’m fighting temptation.”

Source: Unknown

In Family Circus, Billy is talking to his Grandmother. She encourages him to be grateful and says, “Always count your blessings.”  Billy replies, “But I’m not very good at arithmetic.” Thanksgiving is the time to improve in gratefulness.

Source: In Other Words

Fact #1 Books write themselves without the need of an author.

Fact #2 Cars build themselves without the need of a manufacturer.

Fact #3 Music composes itself into beautiful harmonies without the need of a composer.

After school one day, a first-grade boy said, “Mom, the teacher asked me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school.” The boy’s mother replied, “That’s nice of her to take such an interest, Dear. What did she say when you told her you are an only child?”

“She just said, ‘What a relief!’”

Source: Unknown

Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College

Clara was in the midst of one of the worst days of her life: The washing machine broke down, the telephone kept ringing, her head ached, and the mail carrier brought a bill she had no money to pay.

Almost to the breaking point, she lifted her one-year-old into his highchair, leaned her head against the tray, and began to cry. Without a word, her son took his pacifier out of his mouth and stuck it in hers.

A man took his little boy to a mountain spring for the first time. When they jumped in the little boy began to shiver with cold and cried, “Oy, Papa, Oy!” His father led him out, rubbed him down with a towel and dressed him. “Ahh, Papa, ahh!” purred the little fellow, tingling with pleasant warmth.

The father asked, “Do you know the difference between a cold bath and sin? When you jump into a cold spring you first yell ‘oy!’ and then you say ‘ahh!’ But when you commit a sin you first say ‘ahh!’ and then you yell ‘oy!’”