There was a very unusual military funeral in California in
December of 2013. Sgt. First Class Joseph Gantt, who fought in both World War
II and the Korean War, was laid to rest. He had been captured in Korea in 1950
and died the following year. But his body was not returned for many years, and
his death was never confirmed by the North Koreans.
At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including
human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed
especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s
ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were
ill, and said, “Johnny, what’s the matter?”
Johnny said, “I don’t feel well, I think I’m having a wife.”
One-third (35 percent) of Americans today say they have been through a
breakup at least once in the past 10 years.
Americans under age
35 are twice as likely as those between 35 and 54, and nearly five times
as likely as those 55 and older, to have split with a significant other
in the past decade. In fact, 59 percent of respondents between the
ages of 18 and 34 say they have recently experienced a breakup.
Although
half of women (51 percent) say they initiated their most recent split, only 32 percent of men say their partner dumped them.
A husband read an article to his wife about how women use 30,000 words a
day to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, “That’s because we have to
repeat everything to men.” The husband turned to his wife and said,
“What?”
When a couple asked a pastor if he would perform their marriage ceremony, he proceeded to tell them that he likes to give several sessions of premarital counseling before performing weddings. To which they replied, “We don’t need counseling. We’ve both been married several times before.”
The pastor and his wife knew they had made a mistake by
agreeing to counsel with Mrs. Smith when she opened their first session by
saying, “I want to thank you for seeing me, especially since my husband said he’d
kill anybody that I talked to about our problems.”
There is an old story that illustrates the principle of honor within marriage. A drunkard husband, spending the evening with his jovial companions at a tavern, boasted that if he took a group of his friends home with him at midnight and asked his Christian wife to get up and cook
supper for them, she would do it without complaint. The crowd considered it a vain boast and dared him to try it. So the drunken crowd followed him home, and he made the unreasonable demands of his wife.
Samuel Clemens, more commonly known by his pen name, Mark Twain
was a gifted writer. Yet Twain held a deep contempt for Christianity. He once
referred to it as a “slaughterhouse religion” because of the doctrine of the
blood atonement, and he often turned his ridicule on those who believed the
Bible. He met and fell in love with Olivia Langdon, a young woman from a good
Christian family. While they were courting he appeared to have downplayed his
lack of faith, and she agreed to marry him.
A
lady in Spain made the news when she chose a unique way to test her husband’s
love. With the help of a friend, she manipulated her own kidnapping and sent a
ransom notice to her husband. When the police discovered the kidnapping was a
hoax, they asked the lady why she did it. “I wanted to find out what my husband
would do for me,” she replied.
1. Don’t
buy clothing that involves sizes. The chances are one in seven thousand that
you will get her size right, and your wife will be offended the other 6999
times.
2. Avoid all things useful. The new silver polish advertised to save hundreds
of hours is not going to win you any brownie points.
3. Don’t buy jewelry. The jewelry your wife wants, you can’t afford. And the jewelry
you can afford, she doesn’t want.
I once read the story of a young woman who wanted to go to
college, but her heart sank when she read the question on the application that
asked, “Are you a leader?” Being both honest and conscientious, she wrote, “No,”
and returned the application, expecting the worst. To her surprise, she
received this letter from the college: “Dear Applicant: A study of the
application forms reveals that this year our college will have 1,452 new
leaders. We are accepting you because we feel it is imperative that they have
at least one follower.”
A married couple had a quarrel and ended up giving each other the silent
treatment. Two days into their mute argument, the man realized he needed his
wife’s help. In order to catch a flight to Chicago for a business meeting, he
had to get up at 5 a.m.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of
paper, “Please wake me at 5 a.m.”
After bringing their first baby home from the hospital, the wife suggested
to her husband that he try his hand at changing diapers. “I’m busy,” he said. “I’ll
do the next one.”
The next time the baby was wet, she asked if he was ready to learn how to
change diapers. He gave her a puzzled look, then said finally, “I didn’t mean
the next diaper; I meant the next baby!”
In 2005, the Guinness Book of World
Records said that Percy and Florence Arrowsmith held two records—the longest
marriage of a living couple (80 years) and having the largest married couple’s
aggregate age (205 years).
Both Mr. and Mrs. Arrowsmith have
since died, but they left good advice for those who want to have a lasting
marriage. Florence said, “You must never go to sleep bad friends. If you’ve
had a quarrel, you make it up. Never be afraid to say, ‘sorry’.”
When Mr. and Mrs. Henry Ford celebrated their golden wedding
anniversary, a reporter asked them, “To what do you attribute your fifty years
of successful married life?”
“The formula,” said Mr. Ford, “is the same formula I
have always used in making cars—just stick to one model.”
Source: Walking Through Your Bible with H.M.S. Richards, H.M.S. Richards
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with
some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, well never
need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,” the husband explained. “She
was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts.” He
continued, “She communicates well, and I act like I’m listening.”
In 2002, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a report based on a nationwide survey of 10,847 women. They found that twenty percent of first marriages end in divorce or separation within five years while forty-nine percent of premarital cohabitation relationships end within that same time frame. When these time frames are extended to ten years sixty-two percent of cohabitation relationships breakup, while just thirty-three percent of first marriages end.
“A wife or husband may remain faithful and may
give evidence of careful attention in matters pertaining to each other, and yet
there may be a decline in first love. Similarly, a church member may be very
regular in his attendance at the services, but no amount of activity, however
intense, can compensate for a lack of love.”—Lehman Strauss
Sitting
in the stands at a baseball game, a lady critic yelled, “Ump, if I was your
wife, I’d feed you poison.” This was all the baseball umpire could stomach.
Glaring back, he shouted, “And if I were your husband, I’d take it!”
Source: Unknown
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
