Illustrations

The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 a.m. He did his best for a while, but at about 4 a.m. he went to sleep. He awakened to find the officer of the day standing before him. Remembering the heavy penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this smart young man kept his head bowed for another moment then looked upward and said, “A-a-a-men!”

Source: Unknown

Throughout his administration, Abraham Lincoln was a president under fire, especially during the scarring years of the Civil War. And though he knew he would make errors of office, he resolved never to compromise his integrity. So strong was this resolve that he once said, “I desire so to conduct the affairs of this administration that if at the end, when I come to lay down the reins of power, I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left, and that friend shall be down inside of me.”

Six—year—old Molly complained to her mother that her stomach hurt. Realizing it was almost lunch time, Mom told Molly, “Your stomach is empty, you’ll feel better after you put something in it.” Later that evening, the Pastor came over for a visit. During the conversation he mentioned he had headache. Molly piped up with a solution: “That’s because it’s empty. You’ll feel better when you put something in it.”

Source: Unknown

While standing at attention during a parade, a private began to wave in the audience. The drill sergeant sternly warned the private, “Jones don’t ever do that again.” A few minutes later though, the private waved again. When the parade was over, the livid sergeant began to yell and scream at the soldier. He pointed out the dangers of disobeying a superior. Jones was still unremorseful. The instructor then yelled, “Boy, aren’t you afraid of me? Don’t you know what I could do to you?”

Jones replied, “Oh yes sir, but you don’t know my mother.”

Source: Unknown

One man, while browsing in a Christian bookstore, discovered a shelf of “reduced price” items. Among the items was a little figurine of a man and woman, their heads lovingly tilted toward one another. “Happy 10th Anniversary,” read the inscription. It appeared to be in perfect condition, yet its tag indicated “damaged.” Examining it more closely, he found another tag underneath and chuckled—“Wife is coming unglued.”

Source: Unknown

A man on vacation was strolling along outside his hotel. Suddenly, he was attracted by the screams of a woman kneeling in front of a child. The man knew enough to determine that the child had swallowed a coin. Seizing the child by the heels, the man held him up, gave him a few shakes, and a quarter dropped to the sidewalk. “Oh, thank you sir!” cried the woman. “You seemed to know just how to get it out of him. Are you a doctor?”

“No, ma’am,” replied the man. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”

On Sunday February 18, 2001, Nascar lost one of its greatest drivers. Dale Earnhardt, also known as “The Intimidator,” was in third place on the last lap of the Daytona 500 when his car was tapped from behind and sent head-on into the wall at 180 mph. In a matter of moments it was evident something was terribly wrong. Dale Earnhardt had died in the crash. On the following Monday an autopsy report revealed he had died of blunt force trauma to the head.

There was once a pastor who had a five-year-old daughter. The little girl noticed that every time her dad stood behind the pulpit, and was getting ready to preach, he would bow his head for a moment before he began to preach. The little girl noticed that he did this every time. So one day after the service the little girl went to her dad and asked him, “Why do you bow your head right before you preach your sermon?”

“Well, honey,” the preacher answered, “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”

I don’t know why some people change churches—what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

Source: Unknown