A woman was visiting some people who lived on a farm, and
she noticed a pig limping in the back yard with a wooden leg. She asked the
farmer, “What happened to the pig?” The farmer said, “Oh, Betsy is a wonderful
pig.
A young man in Bible college fell asleep during class. As he was sleeping, a friend of the young man
suddenly shook him and earnestly whispered, “Hey, he just asked you to pray!”
The sleeping man, thinking he had just been called on to pray, jumped to his
feet and began his prayer while still partly asleep, interrupting the teacher’s
lesson. The student finished his prayer and sat down. The teacher, unflustered,
thanked the student and continued with the lesson.
A woman was interviewed by reporters on her 102nd
birthday. When asked about the benefits of living past the century mark,
she
answered, “No peer pressure!”
Source: 1001 Quotes, Illustrations, and Humorous Stories
for Preachers, Teachers, and Writers, Edward K. Rowell
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
After school
one day, a first-grade boy said, “Mom, the teacher asked me today if I
have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school.” The boy’s
mother replied, “That’s nice of her to take such an interest, Dear. What did
she say when you told her you are an only child?”
“She just said, ‘What
a relief!’”
Source: Unknown
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
Carl
Geary died a month ago from a heart attack as he campaigned for the small
country town. Despite his sudden death he still polled over three times as many
votes as his rival in the election in Tracy City, Tennessee.
His
widow, Susan Geary, was not surprised by the election results.
“The
day he passed away, people were calling with condolences and saying, ‘We’re
still voting for him,’” she said.
Geary
was known for telling the truth and served on the city council. He received 285
votes to his rival’s 85.
Clara was in the midst of one of the worst days of her life:
The washing machine broke down, the telephone kept ringing, her head ached, and
the mail carrier brought a bill she had no money to pay.
Almost to the breaking point, she lifted her
one-year-old into his highchair, leaned her head against the tray, and began to
cry. Without a word, her son took his pacifier out of his mouth and stuck it in
hers.
A miller and his son
were driving their donkey to a neighboring fair to sell him. They had not gone
far when they met a group of women collected round a well, talking and
laughing. “Look there,” cried one of them, “did you ever see such fellows, to
be trudging along the road on foot when they might ride?” The old man hearing
this, quickly made his son mount the Donkey, and continued to walk along
merrily by his side.
The Saint Petersburg Times told about a thief who grabbed some sausages
in a meat market. To his surprise, they were part of a fifteen foot long string.
The police found him tangled up in the stolen sausages.
Many people think they can
enjoy a little sin, but they end up so deeply entwined in it they cannot get
free without the power of God.
Source: Illustrations for Biblical Preaching, Michael P. Green
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
Mike listened to a lecture on the importance of showing
appreciation to the important people in his life. Mike decided to start with
his wife, so after work that night, he went to the shopping mall where he
bought a dozen long-stemmed roses, a box of chocolates, and a pair of earrings.
He smiled with self-satisfaction as he contemplated surprising his wife and
showing her how much he appreciated her.
A young couple moved into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating
breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging her wash to dry. “That
laundry is not very clean,” she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly.
Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.” Her husband looked on, but remained
silent. Every time her neighbor hung her wash to dry, the
young woman repeated her observations about the dirty laundry.
When Christian Herter was governor of
Massachusetts, he was running hard for a second term in office. One day, after
a busy morning chasing votes he arrived at a church barbecue. It was late
afternoon and Herter was famished. As Herter moved down the serving line, he
held out his plate to the woman serving chicken. She put a piece on his plate
and turned to the next person in line.
“Excuse me,” Governor Herter said, “do you mind if
I have another piece of chicken?”
“Sorry,” the woman told him. “I’m supposed to give one piece of chicken to each
person.”
There was a long line at the
supermarket check-out stand, and the harried clerk had just finished bagging a
long order. As the clerk lifted the final bag for the customer, the bottom gave
way, sending the contents crashing to the floor.
“They just don’t make these bags like they used to,” the
clerk told the customer. “That was supposed to happen in your driveway!”
Source: Unknown
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
A lady
was standing in front of a casino when she was approached by a desperate looking man, “Please!” the man begged frantically, “Could you possibly spare $500. My wife
is very sick, and I really need the money to take her to the doctor and to buy
her the medicine she needs.”
The lady looked at him suspiciously and said, “If I give you $500, how do I
know you won’t just go into a casino and gamble it all away?”
The man quickly responded, “Oh no, I wouldn’t do that! I’ve got gambling money!”
In November, 1975, seventy-five
convicts started digging a secret tunnel designed to bring them up at the other
side of the wall of Saltillo Prison in northern Mexico. On April 18, 1976, they tunneled up into the nearby courtroom in which many
of them had been sentenced. The surprised judges returned all 75 to jail.
Source: Campus Life, September, 1980
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
A little girl got home from Sunday school, where she had been
taught Matthew 5:16: “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” She asked her
mother what the verse meant. Her mom said, “Well, it
means that when you are good and kind and thoughtful and obedient, you are
letting Christ’s light shine in your life before all who know you.”
A frontier preacher was preaching against hatred, he asked all those who had overcome the sin of hatred to stand. He was shocked when one older man rose to his feet. The preacher asked him this could be and he said, “All the skunks who done me dirt, all them scoundrels I hated—they're all dead.”
Source: Bible in Pocket, Gun in Hand, Ross Pahres
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
First year of marriage: “Sugar
dumpling, I’m really worried about my baby girl. You’ve got a bad sniffle and
there’s no telling about these things with all the strep going around. I’m
putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good
rest. I know the food’s lousy but I’ll be bringing your meals in from Rozzini’s.
I already have it all arranged with the floor superintendent.”
Second year: “Listen darling, I
don’t like the sound of that cough. I’ve called Doc Miller to rush over here.
Now you go to bed like a good girl, just for Poppa.”
