A mother gave her little girl a quarter and a dollar before
church, “Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other
for yourself,” she told the girl. When they were coming out of church, the
mother asked her daughter which amount she had given. “Well,” said the little
girl, “I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection the man
in the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful givers. I knew I’d be a lot
more cheerful if I gave the quarter, so I did.”
When
a drum major tossed his baton in Ventura, California, it hit two 4000-volt
power lines, blacking out a ten-block area and putting a radio station off the
air. The baton melted.
A bank robber
in Los Angeles told the clerk not to give him cash, but to deposit the money to
his checking account.
On his first
assignment for a Chicago newspaper, a rookie reporter drove a company car to a
car-crushing plant, parked in the wrong spot, and returned from interviewing
the manager just in time to see the vehicle being compacted into scrap metal
Walter
Knight told of an old Scottish woman who went from home to home across the
countryside selling thread, buttons, and shoestrings. When she came to an
unmarked crossroad, she would toss a stick into the air and go in the direction
the stick pointed when it landed.
One day, however, she was
seen tossing the stick up several times. “Why do you toss the stick more than
once?” someone asked.
Two men were out hunting in the northern U.S. Suddenly one yelled and the other looked up to see a grizzly charging them. The first started to frantically put on his tennis shoes and his friend anxiously asked, “What are you doing? Don’t you know you can’t outrun a grizzly bear?”
“I don’t have to outrun a grizzly. I just have to outrun you!”
Aren’t you glad we don’t have a heavenly Father with a friendship like that!
Source: Unknown
Submitted by the homiletics class of West coast Baptist College
A
friend of mine awoke one morning to find a puddle of water in the middle
of his king-size water bed. In order to fix the puncture, he rolled the
heavy mattress outdoors and filled it with more water so he could locate
the leak more easily. The enormous bag of water was impossible to control
and began rolling on the hilly terrain. He tried to hold it back, but it
headed downhill and landed in a clump of bushes which poked it full of
holes.
One little boy gave an interesting answer when
his Sunday school teacher was talking about the difference between sins of
commission and sins of omission. Derek explained to his teacher that the sins
of omission are, “Those sins that we want to do but we just haven’t gotten
around to yet.”
Source: Living Obediently, Brian Harbour
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
A little boy was in a heated argument with his
sister about who was going to get the last brownie. His mother overheard the
loud discussion in their kitchen and came in to resolve the conflict. Her two
children were obviously very distraught about getting that final treat. Sensing
the need to teach a deeper truth, the mom asked her children that ever-relevant
question: “What would Jesus do?” The older sibling immediately answered,
“That’s easy, Jesus would just break the brownie and make five thousand more!”
Finding the Ten Commandments can be a challenge for
many adults (Exodus 20). Imagine the looks a Sunday School teacher got when she
inquired of their whereabouts in a class for five-year-olds. After a few
moments of blank stares she asked again, “Can anybody tell me where to find the
Ten Commandments?” Finally, a little kid offered, “Have you looked them up in
the Yellow Pages?”
Source: King's Treasury of Dynamic Humor, King Duncan
Submitted by the homiletics class of West Coast Baptist College
Surprised to see an empty seat at the super bowl
stadium, a diehard fan remarked about it to a man sitting
nearby. “It was my wife’s,” the man explained, “But she died.” “Oh!
I’m very sorry to hear that,” said the man. “Yet I’m really surprised
that another relative, or friend, didn’t jump at the chance to take the
seat reserved for her.” “Beats me,”
he said. “They all insisted on going to the funeral.”
In a British weekly called the “Glass
Window” this letter was published: “It seems ministers feel
their sermons are very important and spend a great deal of time preparing them. I
have been attending church quite regularly for 30 years and I have
probably heard 3,000 of them. To my consternation, I discovered I cannot
remember a single sermon. I wonder if a minister's time might be
more profitable spent on something else”
In Words
We Live By, Brian Burrell tells of an armed robber named Dennis Lee Curtis who
was arrested in 1992 in Rapid City, South Dakota. Curtis apparently had
scruples about his thievery. In his wallet the police found a sheet of paper on
which was written the following code, sort of a robber's rules:
The story of is told of a girl who regretted breaking her engagement and wrote this letter:
“Dearest Tommy, No words could ever express
the great unhappiness I’ve felt since breaking our engagement. Please say
you’ll take me back. No one could ever take your place in my heart, so please
forgive me. I love you, I love you, I love you! I love you!”
Yours forever, Marie
PS: And congratulations on winning the state lottery.
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn in the
road. The farmer who lived nearby came to investigate. “Hey, Willis,”
he called out, “forget your troubles for a spell and come on in and have
dinner with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up.”
“That's
mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don't think Pa would like
me to.”
“Aw, come on, son!” the farmer insisted.
“Well,
okay,” the boy finally agreed. “But Pa won't like it.”
A man was bragging that he had cut off the tail of a man-eating lion with his pocket knife. When asked why he had not cut off the lion's head, the man replied: “Someone had already done that.”
A manager and a sales rep stood looking at a map on which colored pins
indicated the company representative in each area. “I'm not going to
fire you, Wilson,” the manager said, “but I'm loosening your pin a bit
just to emphasize the insecurity of your situation.”—Bits and Pieces
During a training exercise in the field, a young recruit naively
asked
the commanding officer, “Sir, where is the fox hole?” The officer said,
“You’re standing on it—just throw out the dirt.”
One man was speaking about his finances. He said, “I am like a
walking economy. My hairline is in recession, my waistline is going
through inflation, and together they are pushing me to depression.”
